Shelley

The Final Ingredient for a Happy Retirement

Okay, so far, we’ve talked about sufficient financial resources, good health and strong personal relationships as being three essential ingredients for a happy retirement. What’s left?

Drum roll, please…

According to Viktor Frankl, the key is finding meaning in life. Some lucky individuals find meaning in their work, and are able to make a living following their bliss. They aren’t interested in retiring. And why should they? How great is it to get paid for doing what you enjoy? They will continue to “work” for as long as they are able. But this post isn’t about them. It’s about the rest of us, primarily motivated by the bimonthly love notes that appeared in our bank account via direct deposit, for whom retirement is a welcome change from the 40 to 60 hours we spent toiling away.

If “finding meaning in life” sounds a bit too lofty, how about this? Let’s call the fourth critical ingredient “oomph” or “pizzazz” or whatever term you bestow on that special something that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning.

Some embark on a second career, working fewer hours, but because they are doing what they thoroughly enjoy, it doesn’t FEEL like work. When he retired, my husband started making violins. Although he has sold a couple, and given away even more, the end product is not the point. A researcher who loves learning and sharing knowledge with like minded individuals, he’s focused on decoding Stradivari’s secrets and reproducing the sound and appearance of a master violin.

As for ME, my favorite things happen to dovetail nicely with ingredients 2 and 3. I’m now doing all of the things that I wanted to do during my work life, but rarely had enough time for: Exercise, book clubs, social events, travel, spending time with my family, Global Volunteer projects (The photo atop this post is from my time in the Cook Islands. Who could resist those beautiful children?), cooking — the list goes on and on.

My guess is that we all have different “oomph” factors. What’s important is to start thinking about what your special something is LONG before your last day at work. How you plan to structure your days during this wonderful stage of life’s journey is almost as important as financial planning. In fact, the two are directly linked. If you have expensive habits and desires, then you’d best be building a BIG nest egg. If you are a minimalist, however, then you don’t need as much.

So, there you have it. Simple to say, harder to execute–but SO worth the effort. Happy trails to all you current and future retirees.

Please feel free to share what is working for YOU!

“All You Need Is Love” The Beatles

“Love is all you need”. Turns out, those four British boys were definitely on to something.

This blog post is about that THIRD essential ingredient for a happy retirement — strong personal relationships. Nothing new or revolutionary about that. Erich Fromm’s book, “The Art of Loving” published more than 50 years ago, informed us that the key to a happy life is love and work. (We’ll address the “work” part in the next post)

Fast forward to 2016. Robert Waldinger’s excellent Ted Talk describes findings from a 75 year Harvard study on adult development. Guess what? Researchers discovered the most important factor in determining whether someone is happy is not fame or wealth, but the quality of their relationships. Not only were people with strong, positive relationships happier, but they were healthier–both physically and mentally.

During the 30+ years I was in the workforce, I was lucky enough to have jobs that paid me for establishing positive relationships with other people. (Which, of course, is very different from being paid to have relations with other people. Not that I’m judging…) So, when I retired, I was not only saying goodbye to my co-workers, but also to customers that, in most cases, had become friends. Unfortunately, most of them are long distance friends. And are still working.

Although I still think of my husband as my “boyfriend”, I don’t expect him to fill all of my companionship needs. Perhaps part of the reason we are still going strong after 4 decades together is we both understand our mutual need for other interests and for time apart. Our relationship is very much like a Venn Diagram–my interests – his interests, with a nice big intersection of OUR interests. Surprisingly, I have encountered people that find this a bit strange. So, when I read this Wall Street Journal article shortly after retiring, I was pleased to find that there are others out there like us. Why I find it gratifying to discover that we aren’t so different is probably a subject for a therapist, or at least a future post. But I digress. Which happens a lot.

Anyway, I have spent the last four years figuring out how to exchange “work mates” for “play mates”, and I’m happy to share what I learned with you, my newly retired, soon to be retired, or hoping to one day be retired readers.

Here’s what’s been working for me:

Meet-Ups This on-line application allows you to select by geographic area and areas of interest. After you make your selections, you get notifications of gatherings of like minded individuals. You can get even more specific, narrowing it down by age or marital status. I’ve made friends via book club, biking, and boomer dining meet-ups–and there are lots of other options. Plus, if you are so inclined, you can start your own meet up group.
The Local Y It is indeed fun to go to the YMCA! But don’t just hang out on the treadmill. Join classes, and attend regularly. And don’t worry about being out of shape. There are no mean girls here! The women (and most of the class attendees ARE women) are friendly, welcoming and caring. In many ways, the Y “family” has been a wonderful substitute for my workplace “family”.
Volunteer I’ve made some incredible friends during my Global Volunteer Projects. See the world, make new friends, learn about another culture! Check out that wonderful organization!
If you prefer something local, AARP offers an on-line application designed to link retirees with nearby organizations in need of their skills, and aligned with their interests.
The Local Library Mine offers an array of programs, including book clubs and educational seminars.
Welcome Wagon Yes, I know, this is supposed to be for newcomers. BUT the local contact can be a great resource for area clubs and gatherings. It took me 32 years before I stumbled across our Neighbors and Newcomers Club, but I’m so glad I did!
Reconnections Maybe you have been too busy to stay in contact with friends from high school or college. Why not reach out? I attended my first college reunion five years ago, and am looking forward to the next one this spring. It was a wonderful trip down memory lane, an opportunity to reconnect with old friends and a chance to make new ones. Ditto for high school.
Travel Okay, so this probably isn’t going to help you with day to day connections, but we met some fantastic, fascinating people on our trips with Road Scholar, OAT, and Grand Circle. In 2016, our new Zealand friends will be visiting us and we will be taking a trip with friends we met in Peru and on a Global Volunteer experience.
Virtual Buddies I put this one last, because a computer relationship is no substitute for face to face, hand to hand connections. Still, email, facebook and blogging can be wonderful ways to complement your other relationships. I loved having pen pals back in the dark ages when I was a child. My Blog Buddies to me are the 21st century version of pen pals. The best part, however, was when I met a blog buddy when we both happened to be in San Francisco, visiting our kids. With luck, she and I will be able to synchronize travel again.

What about YOU? What has helped YOU make the social transition from workto retirement?

“Get On Your Feet” Gloria Estefan

No, this post isn’t about Gloria Estefan’s Broadway musical, although that may be a future post, if I make my way into NYC to see it. Nope, this is about that second essential ingredient for a happy retirement: Good Health.

Yes, we all SAY we want good health, but what do we DO? We overeat, and what we are stuffing into our mouths is usually the worst possible choice. We smoke (well, I never did, but I am related to people that still do. Yeesh.) We act like The Cat in the Hat children. “All we could do was sit, sit, sit, sit”. We keep on electing NRA sponsored candidates that refuse to do anything about crazy people owning weapons of mass destruction, also known as assault weapons. (Whoops, got carried away by current events–that too belongs in a different, possibly future, post.)

Yes, it helps to be born with the right genes, but research continues to uncover the very strong link between lifestyle and good health, which is something that we “lifestyle managers” believe and preach enthusiastically to anyone that will listen.

About those genes: If our parents’ lifespans are any indication, there is a strong probability that Mike and I have inherited “longevity genes”. His made it into their ’90s. Mine are close to that milestone. But what about the quality of those later years? I’ve seen first-hand what lack of exercise can do to a person–both mentally and physically, and it isn’t pretty.

So, why wait for the calendar to flip to do something wonderful for yourself? Who says resolutions can only be made on New Year’s?

Full disclosure. I hate the thought of exercising. During my college years, I cut more of the required gym classes than I attended. Lucky for me the gym teacher sucked at taking attendance. So, when even an external requirement couldn’t get me into the gym in my younger days, how do I now get my sagging butt out the door? Major psych up. I tell myself I’m doing my part to keep Medicare costs down. (You’re welcome, Gen X, Y, and Millenniums). I remind myself of the places that I want to visit and the things I want to do once I get there. (Bhutan, Nepal and Tibet in the spring. Yeah baby). I look at what the total absence of exercise has done to my mother, and realize that I wouldn’t want my one child to have the responsibilities for care that are currently being shared by me and my siblings.

During my work years, I had a community of co-workers and a structured week. By joining the YMCA, I discovered the retirement equivalent of both. The variety of classes offered provides structure, and the friendly and welcoming attendees (mostly women) have become part of my community.

Notice I didn’t mention six pack abs in my reasons for exercising. Truth be told, if those three words appeared in a sentence about me, it would be this one. “Check out her abs–looks like she drank a whole six pack in one sitting”. No, at my age, exercise isn’t about looking better. It’s about staying the same. And that’s a great goal for someone who will be 70 in 4 years!

How about you? Wanna join me? I’m off to zumba right after I push the publish button.

Mix These Four Essential Ingredients to Cook Up a Happy Retirement

Recently I attended a colleague’s retirement party. It was the first time I had seen many co-workers since I left the workforce four years ago. I was surprised that so many of them were surprised by how happy and relaxed I appeared. Several asked me what “my secret” is. I didn’t have an answer then, because I hadn’t given the matter much thought. But given my current abundance of free time, I’ve been able to ponder the subject deeply and have come to the conclusion that the “secret” isn’t so secret at all. It all boils down to four really simple ingredients. I hope you are enjoying the cooking analogy–after years of “on my radar, teeing things up, drilling down, hitting the ground running, and pushing the envelope”, I figured it’s time for a change.

You ready? The essential ingredients for a happy retirement are:

Strong personal relationships
Adequate financial resources
Good health
Oomph

I told you it was simple, but hey, Tom Jefferson got a lot of mileage out of stating ‘self evident’ truths, so let’s see how it will work for me. Besides, ‘knowing’ and ‘doing’ are two very different things. I think we all know that family and health are important, but how do we behave? I certainly was guilty of letting the work day spill over into family and friend time. I skipped exercising and ate far too many fast, easy (and less nutritious) meals. So, today’s post will start with the ingredient that has a tendency to crowd out the others:

Adequate Financial Resources
Isn’t that the reason we put in all those hours–to ensure that we have “adequate financial resources”? Over time, I learned that the most important word in that phrase is “adequate”.

Although I benefited greatly from working for insurance companies that regularly flooded me with information about financial planning, saving, & pensions, what was probably most helpful was a wonderful book by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin, “Your Money or Your Life”. This easy to read book helps you become aware of the trade offs that you unknowingly make by overspending. My favorite quote:

Rich only exists in comparison to others, but financial independence means that you have enough and then some.

Without trying hard, I’ll bet we can easily think of someone that has greater financial resources than 95% of the world’s population, but they always seem to want more. They haven’t quite grasped the concept of enough.

Two of my closest friends have traveled all over the world on very little money. For example, they managed to spend a month in Greece and two weeks in Ireland on what they had saved from two years of Peace Corp salary! They know what is important to them, and their spending reflects what they value.

When I was growing up, my dad used to tell me “Your wants are many, but your needs are few”. He was so right.

So, for all you young ‘uns out there, before you slap down your credit card, you might want to take a minute to think about to how you are allocating your dollars and your “life’s energy”, as Dominguez and Robin put it.

How did we get those resources?
I’ll admit it–we have been lucky. We haven’t had any major illnesses or financial catastrophes. And, although we both were impacted by mergers and acquisitions, we were able to find other employment relatively easily.

We also decided to give Lady Luck a helping hand. As our incomes rose, we didn’t increase our spending. Instead we opted to increase our contributions to our no-load mutual funds. We didn’t run up credit card debt, only charging what we could pay off by the time the bill arrived. We saved so that we could pay cash for our cars, maintained them and kept them well past their first decade. Instead of a monthly car payment, we made those “payments” to ourselves, so we weren’t paying interest, we were earning it. And guess what? We never felt deprived.

It all goes back to knowing what is important to you, and making sure that your behavior aligns with your objectives. Simple in concept, sometimes challenging to do. But SO very worth it!

Next post–Good Health!

Just what exactly does a Lifestyle Manager DO?

On December 1, 2015 I started my fifth year as the CEO of Destination Now, a Lifestyle Management company. In honor of this milestone, I thought I’d create what in the business world might be known as an annual report. Except in THIS case, there are qualifiers: I didn’t do one for the past four years –so much for annual–I and don’t expect to do another one ever again. Plus it is REALLY, really short. You ready?

Mission statement: To make the most of every day, occasionally to enjoy both walking down memory lane, and peering into the future, but to stay fully focused on and present in the PRESENT.
Number of Employees: ONE (that would be me)
Customers: One MAIN customer (my loving husband), plus a very select group comprised of family and friends (who are willing to let a control freak take charge)
Revenue: Cash: $0.00;
In Kind: Caboodles of wine, dinners, memories and friendship (all tax free!)

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Okay, so that’s a long winded way to say that I’ve been retired for 4 years, and am having a fantastic time planning and executing fun, food, and travel for my husband, my family and friends. It’s just that occasionally, when asked the inevitable question “what do you do”, I feel compelled to get creative. Be honest–which version did YOU prefer?

More free time has allowed me to become more self aware, and I have to acknowledge that I do better with goals and objectives. Before I retired, I took to cyberspace to see what I could learn from those that had trod that path ahead of me, and I benefitted greatly from their words of wisdom. So, over the coming weeks, as a way to ‘pay it forward’, I have set a goal to post more regularly, sharing what I have experienced/learned over the past 4 years, in the hope that doing so will help others more easily transition to this new life stage. As a bonus— we will ALL learn whether I can emulate the discipline shown by some of my favorite bloggers who post regularly.

Fantastic Florence

Although this is a trip that focuses on hilltop Tuscan towns, no visit to Tuscany would be complete without a stop in the birthplace of the Renaissance, Florence.
My sister Sandy and I were lucky enough to spend two days in Florence in July, 2012, and Mike and I had done a day trip about 10 years ago, so we didn’t feel compelled to “do it all” this time around. Instead, we were satisfied with a leisurely and informative stroll with our wonderful local guide, Fernanda.
The evening before Fernanda had given us a fascinating overview of the Medici family, Renaissance art and the connections between the two. I’m sure I heard it all before in various history classes, but Fernanda really made it come to life during the lecture, and again, the next day during our stroll through Florence.

The Piazza Della Signoria was the first home of an important Medici couple, Eleonora and Cosimo I. This arranged match was not off to a great start. Those in the know wondered why this Spanish old maid was not spoken for? (She was 17). The groom didn’t even make it to his own wedding, so they were married by proxy. Fortunately, things improved greatly after that: it turned out to be a love match that produced 11 children.

Well, Eleanora was not happy with her “starter home”. It was devoid of gardens for the children to play in, so Eleanora used her own money (how cool is that–a woman with $$$ of her own back in the 1400’s) to purchase from the Pitti family a little “cottage” across the river.

The interior of the "starter" house — The interior of the “starter” house

Sandy and I spent a day wandering through the Pitti Palace, a glorious edifice, which now houses 6 or 7 museums. The Pitti Palace does indeed have spectacular gardens, plus a breathtaking view of the river and the duomo. No photos of the Pitti from this trip, because there was no time to visit it. You’ll just have to take my word for it that it was grand.
But I digress. Back to the Piazza Della Signoria . In front of the “starter home” is a replica of Michelangelo’s David. The original was moved from there to the protection of the Academia, but it was not initially created for that plaza. Instead, it was supposed to be placed on the facade of the Duomo. Fernanda explained that was why the hands are so enormous. When viewed from below, the hands would be correctly proportioned.

Formulating his Goliath slaying strategy

There are lots of other wonderful sculptures, but my favorite is below–the rape of the Sabine women.

We had considered visiting a museum during our free time. Instead, we decided to take Anna’s advice not to succumb to “Stendhal Syndrome” and become over saturated with culture.
After a fantastic lunch at Boccadama, Mike and I stopped for gelato, then wandered up an alley near the church of Santa Croce to visit Italian Loves, a wonderful little shop.
The proprietor allows you to sample his wares. You can taste the olive oil, the balsamic vinegar and the wine. I was deeply regretting having a gelato BEFORE visiting Italian Loves. What to do? Why, buy a little of everything. Those near and dear to me know what THAT means. Yes, there just MAY be a gift in your future.

Yes, that wine was wonderful-and yes, we have already polished it off

Although my BLOG is only on our second day in Tuscany, WE are actually in Sorrento. The problem with posts lagging well behind the visits is one can get confused. Particularly when that “one” is me. If you are following my posts, true confession time. We didn’t stop at the American cemetery after our feast at Giuseppe’s Pianciorciano Cheese Factory. It was after this visit to Florence, which is only important if you want to find the cemetery. You’d have a hell of a time if you were looking in the Radicofani area, because it is located between Florence and Chianciano Terme. Ah well. Accuracy is a small price to pay for all the wine drinking and cafe sitting done instead of blogging, right?

“A Joy That’s Shared is a Joy Made Double”

Nothing would have made me happier than to have all my favorite people with me on this trip. Although I was unsuccessful in recruiting all of you (not from lack of trying), I DID manage to convince our good friends, Owen and Shirley to “double our joy”. For those of you that are making the journey with us via this blog (especially my sister, Sue, who refuses to fly), I’m so glad to have you riding along.
Now, back to our first full day in Tuscany. After Radicofani, we made our way to Giuseppi’s (Pepe’s) sheep farm. Unfortunately, according to Pepe the sheep had a “party” five months ago, which resulted in a lot of very pregnant sheep, so for a reason I have since forgotten (but was definitely connected to the party) the sheep were all in the barn. Too bad. It would no doubt have made for a lovely photo op. Instead, the photo at the top of this post just shows you the picturesque fields. Take a look at the lengths I go to so you don’t have cars or garbage cans cluttering up your view.

Back to the sheep that we didn’t see. They are Sardinian sheep, because that breed produces the milk that makes the VERY best pecorino cheese. In case you haven’t guessed, Pepe and his family are from Sardinia. Like Silvana, Pepe was highly amusing and quite informative.

Of course we had to sample some of that wonderful cheese. Eight different kinds. Washed down with wine, accompanied by prosciutto and salami and bread.

According to the official itinerary, we were done for the day, but Anna had a little surprise for us. We stopped at a cemetery for Americans killed during World War II, just in time for a brief lecture about the military campaign, the men buried there and the MIA. After taps, the flag was lowered. A very sobering experience, especially given the recent wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. It made me think about the differences: WWII was the pain and sacrifice was shared by all. The recent wars are so very different. A small percentage of our population is giving so much, while the rest of us go about our normal lives.

Normally I like to end on an upbeat note, but for this post all I can say is “Thanks for your service”.

Chianciano Terme–“The place to cure your liver”

That’s right. That’s the slogan for Chianciano Terme, our home for the next six days. Although my liver doesn’t need to be cured–at least not yet, if it ever ails me, I’m definitely coming back to this sweet Tuscan hill town. Twenty years ago, before socialized medicine stopped covering spa treatments, people came here for a week or two to drink and soak in the mineral waters. One hopes they were not drinking the water they were sitting in, but who knows? For some reason, once the treatments were no longer free, business dropped off dramatically, so now it is a much quieter place, which suits us just fine.

Our family owned and operated hotel is cute and comfortable. If you are wondering why I am including the following photo, it is because the shutter visible on the top of the door to the balcony rolls up and down with the press of a button, just like a garage door opener.

I don’t know why, but I find that enchanting.

This time, we didn’t win the room assignment sweepstakes. Our balcony overlooks the parking lot, while those on the other side view the rolling hills. But no matter. Our bus rides offer us views aplenty.

The first half of our trip focuses on hilltop towns of Tuscany. First up is the lovely hilltop town of Radicofani, a stopping place for pilgrims enroute to Rome.

Here’s Anna, our wonderful guide, pointing out the Pilgrim icon on the side of one of the buildings.

Ghino di Tacco, Radicofani’s most famous resident made his living robbing those pilgrims, but he did it with class. He made sure he left the poor ones enough to eat. But still, he was a robber. So how come he is immortalized with a statue on the outskirts of town?

All was forgiven after he kidnapped an Abbott, who had digestive problems (perhaps on his way to Chianciano Terme to get a liver tune up?). Instead, after living on bread, water and dried beans, the Abbott was miraculously cured of whatever ailed him, was released, made his way to Rome, and convinced the pope to make Ghino a knight of the Order of St. John. Who says crime doesn’t pay?

Here are a few more images of this hidden gem of a town.

One of the many reasons I’m loving this tour with Grand Circle is because of the experiences I never would have had if we were on our own. Silvana is one of those experiences. We stopped for a snack at her shop. Silvana not only fed us, she kept us entertained with a monologue (translated by Anna) that Jerry Seinfeld would have envied.

Anna, our fantastic tour guide, and Radicofani's delightful shopkeeper. — Anna with Silvana, Radicofani’s stand up comic. Check out those pastries!

Silvana is the youngest resident of Radicofani. Her 78 year old mama is still working, taking care of 5 of her “elderly” neighbors.

Mama, saying hello from the window over the shop.

Our trip to the sheep farm will have to wait till tomorrow, or I’ll never get this post finished!

The Eternal City

Our first trip with Grand Circle is off to an amazing start! After an uneventful flight (and these days, uneventful is about as good as it gets), we were met at baggage claim by a Grand Circle representative who escorted us through the airport to meet our driver. What a pleasure not to have to hang around the airport waiting for other travelers to arrive.

Although we hit big city morning traffic, our driver took some “sneaky roads” that not only got us to the hotel quickly, but also gave us a little extra tour of the eternal city.

Anna, our tour director, was waiting in the lobby to greet us. When I expressed surprise at her American accent, she explained that she learned English in the USA. She IS Italian (and Greek), but it turns out her dad was a “rocket scientist” who worked on the lunar rover in Huntsville, Alabama. No, she did not have an Alabama accent. And despite graduating from Harvard, she doesn’t have a Boston accent.

Before the trip began, Anna had communicated with us via email, asking what we particularly wanted to see and do during our time in Italy. Although the group is big, (42 travelers), we are already experiencing the kind of attention you get with a much smaller group.

Much to my amazement, we weren’t tired after our overnight flight, so Anna gave us a map, marked the places we wanted to visit, gave us great directions and off we went.

The Hotel Albani is close to the Borghese garden, so we strolled through it on our way to the Museo Dell’Ara Pacis, one of the “not to be missed” places on Mike’s list.

The birthday boy, doing his Borghese prince imitation.

Anna directed us to an overlook that provided a fantastic panoramic view of the city.

And now a close up of the statue in the square

But today wasn’t just museums and statues. We also people watched. I continue to be fascinated by the ability of women to navigate cobblestone streets in unbelievable footwear.

After a late lunch at a sidewalk cafe, and a detour to the Spanish Steps, we hiked back to the hotel for a quick nap and a peek at CNN for an update on the pope’s visit in Washington DC. Time to meet the rest of our group for an introductory drink.

Happy Birth Month to You!

Mike has a milestone birthday this year, and what better way to celebrate than with Italian food, wine and scenery? I couldn’t quite get the trip scheduled so that we would be in Italy on the actual date, but then we have never been good at following calendars.

In the past, I just used to declare that according to the Mayan calendar, the date was really—-and fill in the blank with whatever date we were celebrating.

But then I thought why not start for a new tradition? Instead of Birth Day, why not celebrate Birth Month? Think about it–you would have a full month to schedule that special event. The odds that you could find a day that would allow everyone to attend just increased 30 fold, except, of course, for those born in February. Sorry.

It is especially helpful for those of us that left the Homeland (Massachusetts) for the Hinterlands (New Jersey). My family has sorta gotten used to my inability to be calendar bound, although I DO usually get the month right. Anybody ready to join the Birth/Anniversary Month movement?

To celebrate Mike’s birth-month, we will be wandering through Tuscany, ending up in Sorrento. This will be our first trip with Grand Circle, a sister company of Overseas Adventure Travel. Although the group is a bit larger than we normally choose, we liked the itinerary, which has us plopped in two towns, each for one week. Another selling point was the number of optional trips, so we can stay with the group, or choose to strike out on our own, should we feel the need.

The best part? Our good friends, Shirley and Owen, will be on the tour.

We arrive in Rome, then head for a town I never knew existed, and whose name I am probably mispronouncing: Chianciano. It will be our base for a week, as we explore the other Tuscany towns shown on the map above.

Our second week will be in Sorrento, a great base for all of the incredible area attractions.

We already received a lovely welcome note from our guide, Anna (pronounced like Donna, without the D) Costes, full of helpful information. She very kindly responded to my questions about our day trip to Florence. We are off to a great start!

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