Travel, Love and Loss

I started this blog in 2011, when my husband chose not to go on a bike trip with me. I was convinced that when he read my blog and saw all the fun my photos captured, he would surely have a change of heart. OF COURSE he would want to accompany me the next time I decided to see the countryside via two wheels. Boy, was I ever wrong! Despite my sparkling narrative and museum quality photos, he never chose to experience a bike trip, or to become a Global Volunteer. He did, however, enjoy my blog, so when I embarked on solo journeys, my blog became a way for him to share in the adventures from the comfort of our home.

Most of the time, however, we traveled together. My blog became a supplement to our memories of our fun times. And, given that our minds were no longer as sharp as they were when we started traveling 23 years ago, it provided a way for us to check back and see whether we actually DID visit certain places and if we did, what year it happened.

I was in Ireland when Mike got the news that his cancer had returned. After my solo trip to Ireland, we had planned to meet in London, spend a few days there and then go on to Paris. Instead, I returned home to join him for his appointment at Memorial Sloan Kettering. His doctor gave us the shattering news that the average life span for someone with Mike’s form of cancer was about 18 months. It was even worse. Mike only lived 4 more months.

Mike was not my only loss. Four months earlier, my younger sister died suddenly from a mysterious infection. Not only were she and Mike my travel buddies, they were also my emergency contacts (Mike when I traveled with Sandy, Sandy when I traveled with Mike). To say I was devastated would be putting it mildly.

I had heard that grief can cause the bereaved to act in strange ways. It certainly was true for me. Within a week of Mike’s death, I had booked a ridiculously expensive trip around the world on a private jet. The next morning I awoke, came to my senses, and immediately canceled that trip. Instead, I thought about the number of trips I could take for that same amount of money and began planning them. It has been quite therapeutic.

I soon discovered that I didn’t want to be home for our milestones: I spent October 15, the anniversary of the day Mike and I met, in Slovenia. Although I had started to blog again while in Albania, I found myself thinking, “what’s the point? Mike and Sandy won’t be reading this”.

My first year end holidays without Mike will be spent in Egypt. We had seen the pyramids together for our 25th anniversary, and were planning to return in March of 2023, but the return of Mike’s cancer obviously disrupted those plans.

Mike died in February of 2023, exactly a month before the departure of the trip we had selected. But something tells me a part of him will be with me in the Valley of the Kings.

I continue to remind myself how very lucky I am. Mike and I had 47 years together. Through good times and bad, we managed to accumulate a lifetime of wonderful memories. Most importantly, we produced an amazing son, who is a constant source of comfort.

My son reminded me to focus on what I HAVE, not what I have lost. So here’s one of the many things I still have: the ability to travel whenever and wherever I want. These are all enormous blessings that I will never take for granted. And if the spirit moves me, I’ll blog about it. Maybe it will become a part of the healing process.