The Tesla Chronicles – 3. Updates

I sometimes find myself pondering life’s great mysteries (covid has had that effect on me). While gazing at the object in my garage, I ask myself, “do I own a car with a computer or do I really own a computer with a car?” (Take THAT, Socrates!)

Think about it. How many cars get periodic software updates over wifi? Not being a “car person”, I don’t know the answer, but my suspicion is, so far, there’s only one.

So, how does that happen? Your Tesla is sitting in your garage, minding its own business, when suddenly you get a notification. The Tesla App on your phone asks you whether you would like to install the latest software. It tells you how long the installation will take (usually about 30 minutes) and reminds you that you can’t drive while the update is downloading. But what it DOESN’T do is give you even the slightest clue as to what the update entails.

If you are someone who wants everything to stay in the same place and values consistency over possible improvements, then you might find the update feature to be a bit disconcerting. As for me, I always succumb to my “devil may care” side and bang that update button.

Voila, the next time, I get in the car, something (or things) has changed. To find out exactly WHAT, I have to consult the touchscreen in my car. At that point, I start to feel like I am trying to solve one of those kiddie puzzles that shows two photos side by side, challenging me to discover what is different. Except I didn’t have the side by side images. Instead, I got to consult “release notes”.

I was also momentarily puzzled by the “emission testing mode improvements”, (Wait, an electric car has emissions?!) then I remembered the fart feature. Yes, there was even room for improvement with that essential capability.

For ME the most important update was the 6th one listed, “Driving Visualization Improvements”. Okay, tell me more…

Want to see how the touch screens differ? Clicking on the little x in the release note corner would reveal the “navigate” screen with the map area slightly reduced, but the big differences are on the left side of the screen.

You know the line in that old Joni Mitchell song “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone”? Well, that applies here. I didn’t realize the icon for voice commands (a little microphone) was missing until I tried to use it to call my husband. Check it out–NO mention of voice commands was made in the release notes.

Well, thanks to Covid, my days aren’t what you would call “full”, and I’m not driving much, so I had plenty of time to sit in my garage and scroll through the screens in search of my little microphone. No luck.
I also checked the internet to see if the online manual had been updated. Nope. Finally, I posted an inquiry in the Tesla Motor Club Forum asking how one can access voice commands after the update. Finally! A couple of posters were kind enough to tell me that pressing the right scroll button on the steering wheel activates voice commands. This isn’t the first time that the Tesla Motor Club has been the most effective route to getting my questions answered, so Tesla owners, keep that resource in mind the next time you need help.

Let me repeat: I LOOOVE my Tesla, but for crying out loud, why oh why is it so bloody difficult to learn what’s in an update? Why can’t the release notes be accessed through the Tesla App on your phone? And why are the explanations so brief? Jeez guys, I love engineers so much that I actually gave birth to my very own, but, come on, get someone with an English degree to help you explain this stuff!

I’ve also discovered that there are enhancements that aren’t even mentioned in the release notes. For example, prior to the update, while allowing the car to self drive, I would get frequent reminders to move the steering wheel a little. I understand that the intent was to ensure that the driver paid attention to the road by occasionally touching the wheel. Doing so lets my car know I am awake and would be in control, if necessary. But I’ve been driving for far too many years, so keeping at least one hand on the wheel is a habit that I don’t intend to break. It just feels comfortable. Nevertheless, even with BOTH hands on the wheel, I was urged to jiggle it with annoying frequency, and if I jiggled too vigorously, self drive turned off. If I DIDN’T jiggle, the screen lit up with a blue flashing light. When I had my car serviced (I’ll tell you all about it in a future post), I requested that the sensitivity of the steering mechanism checked, thinking that it didn’t pick up the pressure from my hands. Nope, it didn’t work that way, I was informed. The car was checking the “torque”.

Well, despite doing nothing different after the update, I was thrilled to see that I now rarely get the “jiggle” reminder. Now THAT’S a very welcome change.